Tuesday, April 3, 2007


So! Got your pepsi/cappucino/coffee and a nice warm seat? Cause if you're psychotic enough to read my ramblings, I intend on writing a nice size entry! (M, no gasping you psycho woman!! ;) )

Firstly.. M.. .... you are SUCH a smart aleic. :P Okay, I'm sticking my tongue out at you. Hmph. hehe. Oh, while I have your attention.. I sent you the recipie babe, did you ever get it? Pleeeease tell me you did cause I had to write it like three times and it was loooong. If not, let me know and I'll resend! (for a bribe of chocolate and some scotch tape.) ((no, I have No idea what the scotch tape is for, it just sounded good.))

Secondly.. OMGosh!! Pillowgirl was at my blog!!! ::faints:: hehe. I went to a chat the other night, email came, I had some free moments and needed some me time, so I hopped on board. The chat was MADNESS everyone was wanting to talk and not listen to the moderators, but my friend Sigrid was there and I saw the name Pillowgirl and squealed like a fangirl. She probably thought I was a pyscho. Heee.. (little does she know I'm right.) So yeah.. I keep bugging the poor woman.

And!! I have a stalker!!!!! ::dances a lot!!!:: Hi Liza!!!! Welcome to my madness! I promise I'm not all doom and gloom, this just happens to be an ... interesting period in my life. (M.. I hear you snickering again over there... )

The last three days have been just as "interesting". I 'crashed' hard and was severely depressed for the last two days and then I feel chipper and eager to get the kids taken care of. Made dinner of roast with all the trimmings, and got some laundry and cleaning done.

Got my tutorial done I was doing for Ruby through all the psychoticness of the last two days. Went on a 6 hour car trip with my husband yesterday (fuuuun with two kids and a cranky pregnant woman, lemme tell you.) been helping out my brother's room mate with his car troubles which means lots of shuttling back and forth, and dealing with my family.

I'm usually a very private person, but I need some honest help here, and from someone other than my best friend and my husband and brother.

My mother.. oi. I don't know where to start. I have tried and tried and tried to make it work. I WANT my mother in my life. I NEED that mother/daughter bond. I don't need a parental mother anymore so much as a friend mother you know? I always here about things here and there with my friends about how great their mother is, or how they did this together or how they have to clean because their mother is coming and they're going to have great girly fun together. It makes me sad.

She has pulled some.. interesting things though just this last year. That's as far back as I'll go despite mentioning one other thing cause I'm still private. First off, most of you know that my newest Bella is 9 months old. (holy, she's old!!!!) In November though when she was 5 months, I had a trip to Texas to see my family. I haven't been there in about 6 years.. this is a trip that due to monetary issues, is not one I can make often. As it was we could only send me and Bell instead of the whole family like we wanted.

I stayed with my sister and had plans to see my mother for two of the six days. We had talked in IMs about tea time on the porch, the dinners I was going to cook for her and the family, the shopping trips, the talking.. the spending time with each other. I was so excited and looking forward to this. We'd talked about it almost 6 whole months.

A Month before I'm due out, she IMs me with "look, this trip isn't going to work.." ... eh? Me: "We don't have to do everything, I can just come see you." Her: "I didn't really think you were going to come out so I was just playing along." ((in her defense, I'd been trying to get out there for years, and every year something came up but this one..))

... "Okay, can I come see you at all?" Her: "I don't think so, we've asked Gary's ((her new husband)) son not to come out this year either."

... so.. she doesn't even want to meet me somewhere for a few minutes, or stand at her house and talk and see the new baby. At all.

I went to Texas, dropped a few things off at her porch that I brought with me, got back in the car to my sister going "She was standing in the window watching you the whole time." I hadn't run. She had it wasn't a good time, I wasn't going to bother her but taking the stuff (she lives 15 minutes from my sister's ((step sister, we have the same dad so she doesn't deal with my mom)) house) was cheaper than shipping it.

We sat there a minute more (I had my cell phone too, she knows that number and has called before.) and then finally just drove off when it was obvious she wasn't going to contact us in any way.

I was fuming. She wouldn't even take a few minutes to see her new grand daughter. Not even five seconds.

When I got back, she caught me in IMs and explained that it was because the house was a wreck and there was "no where" for us to sit. (please please excuse my language) but Who the hell cares if we get to sit????? See us for a few minutes!! It's been 6 years since I've been out there, who the hell knows when I'll get back out there?? SEE YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER.

I, of course, didn't say that. Maybe I should have. I don't know what is wrong, she had mentioned that something was wrong but then later claims it was that she was packing up the house.

She didn't come to my wedding. She didn't see me in Texas. She doesn't talk to me at all about anything important in her life, sticks to the weather, her kitties, a bit about my brothers, and food she makes. That's it. She won't let me in.

My father, my FATHER of all people, the one who always tells me, "You know.. she's the only mom you'll have, don't give up", the one that claims that you should never burn bridges, finally told me to give up.

I've been holding on, trying anything and everything to make it work. I don't get anything from her except depression, tears for me to cry, and frustration. I'm tired of giving her the depth of me and getting nothing in return.

I guess my question to you guys is what would you do? Do you think that my dad and friends are right and that this is nothing but harmful and I should give up? Is there another approach I should try? Help, please. Cause I'm at the end of my proverbial rope.

On a positive side, Maryse sent me a sweet kit and I got to play around with it. That made me happy. That girl is SUCH a sweetheart to me. She makes me smile and says the Sweetest thing. I'm so lucky to have not only her, but all you friends who support me and are just the sweetest.

I owe each of you a hug.

Except M. I owe her a poke. ;)


marysevincent said...

I would love to be able to help you, but I really can't. The only thing I would say is do what is best for you and your little family. Hugs, Maryse

LVMommy22 said...

OMG! you're alive! i thought perhaps you'd fallen into a vat of boiling water - i warned you about that! lol! i did get the recipe and i e-mailed you a ty or left it on your blog somewhere. but in any case thank you, it looks - what was it? - smooshy, i think, lol! and you're not getting my scotch tape; it's like gold around my house! keeps the kids busy for hours. of course, you can't get up the stairs or down the hallways when they're done ... lol! and how the heck could you hear me snickering?! i put a pillow over my face and everything!! (only because i could tell you a thing or two about 'interesting period in my life' - yikes!

as for your mom, blood ties don't give anyone the right to make you miserable. would you put up with this behavior from a friend? are there other people in your children's lives who are better role models and who treat them more like 'family?' just because you were born to this woman doesn't make her a motherly person. find someone else to be your adopted mom. i have several adopted moms who belong to my friends (in addition to my actual mother) because there's no such thing as too much love or too many people who care about you - or your kids. stop beating your head on a brick wall. and who knows, maybe one day your mom will come around. she's just not in that place right now. maybe she just needs a whole lot of space to realize what she's missing. or maybe her DH is beating the crap out of her and she's afraid to let anybody see her ... you have to be comfortable with your choices in this matter and you have more info than we do. just remember: no one can make you miserable if you don't let them. it sounds simple, but it's a lot of work to get to that place. but the trip is worth the effort. and stay away from boiling water!
thanks for the poke sweetie!
:) M

Kristine said...

Hi Serena,
I can't tell you what to do...I can only tell you how I'd react. Just because she's related by blood doesn't give her the right to treat you like dirt...and you don't have to take it. No one deserves to be treated like they are 2nd class citizens. I'd take my dignity and walk away with a clear consience...there is an expression I use alot..there comes a point where you can no longer beat a dead horse. You can only do so much to mend fences...she's not interested so why keep hurting yourself hun?

xashee's corner said...

this isnt a blog i visit EVERY day but i was drawn here today, after reading your post, i realize now why :)... i certainly wont try telling you what to do but will share my story and how i handle it.
i was raised by my grandmother & step-grandfather, calling them mom & dad. often during my life, when i called him daddy, he would gently remind me that he really wasnt. sigh, that was fine, til i visited with my 4month old baby, had a nice but distant visit and when i left i said i love you dad! only to hear once more, 'you know i am not your dad'. i left with a smile and hug for him telling him he will always be my daddy and cried all the way home. that was the last time i gave him the chance to hurt me that way. that was about 22 years ago... right or wrong, i just cannot hear those words every time, so i choose to not deal with it at all.. sad as it is, his birthday recently passed and IF he is alive he's now 87. but i will never know... HE made the choice or forced me into it... not sure but altho it still hurts not being able to see him, it certainly hurts less than hearing those cold words one more time! this is NOT something i have shared with anyone... so maybe it was time to come out with my little hurt :)
we cannot make them love us, but we CAN stop them from hurting us or our children! i would NEVER give him the chance to tell my child, 'you know i am not your pappy'.

Cleo Fitzgerald said...

You have to do what is healthy and right for you ... If that mean walking away then that is what you have to do. You understand that a happy healthy you, means a happy healthy child. She will always be your mom and if you have a few good memories treasure them in a special place and try and remember her like that and leaver knowing you have done all you can. You will know what is right for you - we can all only be your sounding board. Good Luck

paintingsiggi said...

You mentioned "me" in your blog!!! *jumping up & down like a ninny* *big smile*

So delighted to see you blogging again - I hadn't come to see you since the chat 'cause I wasn't feeling all that great (uggh lol), but I made it today...and there you were!! *hugs....lots&lots&lots&lots of hugs* :)

Oh my dear, I don't know what to say about your mom...I've read your (whole) blog (now - caught up! lol), and I must say, you are a sweetie. Really. To hear that your mom chooses to do this to you makes me incredibly sad for you. Why is it that some relationships are so...unfair? I don't know. :( Well...guess I do have some advise after all! *makes wry face* ;) If you completely cut off all contact with your mom, it's almost impossible to go back (is that what you meant by giving up on her...burning bridges? I'm just assuming here. Sorry if I'm out to lunch. ;)) That's a very...final...option. I think you've been on the right track by just letting her do her own thing on her own time. It sounds like you are at the end of your rope now, tho' *hugs* - if you're ready, perhaps it's time to get straight with her & tell her how much she is hurting you by what she is doing. Lay it out. Don't be shy...but don't be cruel either. If I'm right, I think that (being mean) would only make *you* feel really crappy. Let her know that you are available if she wants to get "real" with you, but otherwise, you would prefer that she just not bother contacting you. She's playing with your heart, and that's just not right. Or healthy, for that matter. She's your mom (and because of that, deserves respect), but you have to set limits on what you're willing to put up with. Hope this helps!! I've been in this place with someone myself, so I'm not completely full of hot air!! lol (at least, I'm not airborne yet! hee hee).

Well, since I've probably already set the record for long-winded comments...I must say, I hooted & giggled when I read about the bunny costume thing!!! rofl Wish I could have seen the whole thing go down!!

Take care, sweetie! I'll be passing by to see what's up in your world...and keeping an eye out for you at chats, of course! :) You are greatly loved & appreciated! ;)

*Her nuttiness* Sigrid